i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
