rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
