I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
