So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
