If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
