It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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