peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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