Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
