I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
