My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
