According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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