Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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