Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
