From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
