hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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