well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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