So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
