Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
