I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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