I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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