1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
if only i could text you this smell
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
