So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
