the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
