There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
