I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
