Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
