My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
