Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
