I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Boobs are out for the taking
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize