OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize