my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
