textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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