2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
only you would photoshop your dick
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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