If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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