I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
