Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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