I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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