New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The power of my boobs compel you
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
