i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
