I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
