He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize