dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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