a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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