I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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