i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
