I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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