The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
