Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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