If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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