I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
