how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
