Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
