I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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