I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
worst night to have a conscience
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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