he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
