Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
