walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
