he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
