Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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