Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
