38 yer olds are good kisserssss
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
