I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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