Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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