you win again, gameday.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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