I need to stop coming to work sober
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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