I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
