The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
