Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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