I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
