I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
