This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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