Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
