So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize