now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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