Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
