I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize